Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Letter to Our Cats and Dogs

This was submitted by a visitor and I loved it! I hope you will to:

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine or meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets


1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. And if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

12 comments:

ms Jude said...

I totally agree... I like my cats even more than my grown son on some days! (a lot of them recently)
I figure the cat hair on my clothes and furniture is VERY expensive fur trim... in spite of PITA...
And I agree I don't go into other people's houses and complain about THEIR children no matter how awful they are,,, so don't complain about my cat.

Anonymous said...

Wren
I loved the cat photos, your blog is very nice!
Hello from Montreal, Canada.

http://s3.invisionfree.com/Hearts_Afire
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Rainwren

Anonymous said...

Love it!!!!!! Great site. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face!!!

Anonymous said...

It's so true!!!

Francis said...

So True!!

Gina said...

How wonderful! My cats Midnite, Maloney and Mulligan are my world.
Would not change them for any human.

Anonymous said...

Well said :) I drove from WA back up to Alaska this summer with just my car, my kitty, and myself. That was the most relaxing drive I've been on in a LONG time! No person to tell you what CD to put in next, no arguing over where to eat, and time away from everyone without ever being alone :) I'd rather drive a long haul with my kitty than most people any day! =)

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Anonymous said...

Hi, I absolutely love that letter. I have 3 cats of my own. All different personalties all completely into themselves. Frosty-14 years-is 9 lbs and buff color. The softest and most lovable cat. Missy-a maine coon cat-is 15 years old and 16 lbs. She is her own boss and wants you only when she wants you. And then there is Smokey-5 years old-spoiled beyond belief- and a whopping 17.5 lbs. He is my baby and only loves me totally. I love your site and i will visit it often. Marie

Girlie_Girl said...

i used to have a cat. he was 21 and he threw up and craped all over my carpet. eeewwwww. he was the nicest cat in the world and i do have to say that sometimes i liked him better then my friends.
his name was Tiger

Sunnydee said...

Love It!!!! This letter Is right on target. I couldn't have said It better myself. I'm for the rights and protection of our defenceless furry friends.

Avid Cat lover